After a day of rain and two days of catching some rays on our collective royal paleness, DJ, Roxie, and I decided to spend the morning at the Gulfarium – a local “marine show aquarium” housed in a bright aqua building immediately off the highway and located next to a giant nightclub/shopping complex. Although we were told by numerous advertisements for the Gulfarium that we would “find our smiles” and have “splashtastic fun,” the establishment was next to a marquee announcing “Safe Sex Mondays: All Sex Drinks Half Price!,” so our expectations were low. In fact, we were fully anticipating a crusty, yellowed tank filled with green water and housing a single surly dolphin swimming in circles – possibly with tattoos and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. But, much to our most pleasant surprise, the Gulfarium was actually pretty darn splashtastic.
We arrived just in time to do a lap around the underwater viewing windows in the dolphin tank and take our seats before viewing the first of three trained animal shows they offer – the “Dolphin Show,” the “Sea Lion Show,” and the “Multispecies Show” that features, well, dolphins AND sea lions. We were so excited to show Roxie all these things because she is really into animals and loves anything to do with water, and as any good parents, we hurried to get a front row seat. And man, what a show. They had dolphins that did flips. They had dolphins that sang. They had dolphins catching footballs. They had a guy put a fish in his mouth and the dolphins would jump and grab it. I know all this because I heard them talking about all this as I chased Roxie in circles around the perimeter of the tank. Like a proper one-and-half-year-old, she could have cared less about the stupid dolphins. Her favorite part of the show was the cool pattern on a bench we found as I was trying to forcibly carry her back to her seat.
Likewise, Roxie’s favorite part of the sea lion show was the awesome metal pole next to the tank that was covered with bolts. The sea lions walked on their flippers, balanced a ball on their nose, and did little dances, but who needs that? Roxie had definitely found the coolest pole in all of Florida. We didn’t even attempt to take her to the Multispecies show. DJ was kind enough to take her while I watched the performance and got to witness my first live all-male dolphin-sea lion interspecies kiss.
All in all, we had a lot of fun at the Gulfarium. More importantly, we were reminded of one of the key lessons of parenthood: If you give a kid a gift, the funnest part in the box it came in. Let ‘em have fun with the box. Likewise, forget the sea lion show. Have fun watching your kid discover the wonders of a bolt-covered pole.
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